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profile At twenty and one-point-six-three/four/two (can't remember) tall, I am a girl who loves many things, and detests a few. Not very fond of setting out a whole list of 'about me's, so... just read on. :) tag archives May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 October 2009 friends and credits skin by: Jane |
Saturday, February 28, 2009 @ 11:23 AM
forest gump I watched the movie on the plane ride to Paris, and yesterday whilst on my way to cell group from school Tom Hank's face floated into my mind, and got me thinking about growing old. When I'm only 20 I really ought not to think about things like this, but of late I have become increasingly aware of my.... how should I put it - mortality. Maybe it's popo living next door, who isn't feeling very well lately. Or maybe it's the sudden onslaught of 21st birthdays on fb. Weird, isn't it. When there's talk about the immortality of our youth, and the exact opposite hits me. And that is scary, because I'd very much want to be like Forest and not worry about such complexities. The simple outlook to life solves many problems. Yet I can't help it. Adulthood, it seems to me now less appealing than it was 5 years ago. The uglier side of life somehow seems to surface very much more before my eyes, and often I'm left with a truckload of worries and burdens that God tells me I really shouldn't bother carrying. I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. - Psalm 131 Childlike faith. I think that's the answer, but how do I have it, when placed before me are people and circumstances living in webs of complexity? Then, I think, comes the difference between childish and childlike. The former says "It's not fair!" with some whines and foot-stamping, and the latter contemplates before concluding, that "Life's not fair." No such thing as perfect fairness in this world. "Then what's a God for?" The childish one will likely ask. "But I trust God anyway." - childlike, but not childish. It's a fine line, and even when the giants of adulthood hover over me I must learn the value of such childlike faith, which is not ignorant nor oblivious, but ironically reflects a kind of solid, mature trust in the sovereign God. * * * About 6 more weeks before school's out, and the flood of deadlines that loom ahead makes me feel as if I'm on a very fast moving train that's travelling on an unstable track. Nothing to be afraid of, I tell myself, it's not as if you haven't been through this kinda thing before. Somehow, such self-affirming statements fall flat. But childlike faith tells me, that trust and self-discipline is key. Now I just need to do it. Tuesday, February 17, 2009 @ 9:02 AM
back to reality Due to serious time constraints, I am unable to give an extensive update about days 5 to 10 of the trip, except that it was somewhat the best time of my life thus far. We didn't get through in the end, and that was disappointing, but the experience was valuable too. What's next? Apart from the crazy amount of work I have to catch up on, I don't know if I've the time for anything else but life pretty much resumes - school on weekdays, church and family on weekends and the works. Death penalty's on the menu for classes this week, and it is alarming, at least for me, how insistent our courts are about the effectiveness of such punishment in ensuring the safety of our society - a part of me agrees, but something tugs within when I think about how the accused persons must feel, faced with such a charge. Hard for me to say 'I agree with the death penalty!' with gusto. Gotta hit the books now. Monday, February 09, 2009 @ 1:13 PM
Paris It's the fourth day, and I'm in love with this beautiful city. The daily walks to the competition venue, past the rivers and majestic buildings make me feel as if I'm living in the rustic 18th century - I can hardly imagine how Paris was at the time, when women were elegantly dressed in their frocks and the gentlemen would be in their black hats and tuxedos. Definitely a romanticised notion, but being here in the city of lights just brings me back to that kind of setting, if you know what I mean. Here's a glimpse into what I've had the privilege to experience the past few days...  First competition session, against a French team. I'm thankful it went well! Won't know whether we enter the semis until later; I hope we do.  Kirs and I, attempting to do an smujump while Roy tries his best to capture it - but failed a little bit lah. We were walking past the Louvre, and when I saw it, my heart just leapt and the only word I could say was, 'wah...'  The white spots are snow! It has been very very cold here, and many times I couldn't speak properly because I kept shivering. Wearing 4 layers doesn't help much - I think I will put on 2 more later. haha.  This was in the famous Musee D'Orsay, a museum fifteen minutes away from the apartment we stayed in. Not exactly an arty farty person, but it doesn't take a lot of immersion in art to know that something like that must have taken years and years of delicate sculpting, painting and what not. Amazing.  A shot that I took at whim, which turned out really not bad! Things here are very expensive though, many times I was hungry but stopped myself from buying random snacks because they easily cost me 10 SG dollars without really filling my stomach. Which may be more of a good thing! ;) For countless times while I'm here I cannot help but look up at the sky here and think, God, what did I do to deserve this? I'm so thankful to Him for this experience, and even though schwork is piling up like nobody's business at home, I really would do this all over again if I could. And.. on second thought, it's not about what I deserve, but that He deserves all the glory, and very rightly so. Au revoir (it's goodbye in French!) for now, while I prepare for the next competition session. :) Tuesday, February 03, 2009 @ 8:35 AM
auntie annie Law play was a a great success! Almost full house on both nights, the audience had a good time laughing their heads off at Damien's wild antics and the cute songs that we sang as we acted. I'm glad they enjoyed it, as much as we enjoyed playing the various characters. At the expense of shocking you, this was my character:  When I opened my eyes to look at my face after the make up was done, I actually felt dread that I was going to look like this in front of hundreds. That moment showed me something - that a measure of my self-confidence was based on how I looked. And I didn't realise it, but it was quite a substantial measure. Note to self, that if there is anyone I should look to for confidence, it's my God. As tired as I am from scuttling here and there in preparation for law play and now that it's over, the upcoming trip to Paris, my spirit feels alive - not from breakfast I just had earlier, but maybe because things are generally going well. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't have all of these - will I feel the same way? Can I still praise God and say that He has been good to me? It's difficult, no doubt about that. When I lost my wallet the instinctive reaction was to look at the sky and scream inside, 'WHY LIKE THAT AH?!!' And it was just a wallet, if you think about it. If it were something more important to me, I don't know what I'd think, perhaps far more than this. When the time comes, I'll need to remind myself that our circumstances are not an accurate reflection of His goodness. Because whether life is good or bad, God's goodness is rooted in His character, and it never changes. * * * I'm leaving for the city of lights this Thursday night. Will be back in ten days, and if time permits I'll try to blog while I'm there. For now... it's a mad rush preparing for the competition. Wish me well! |