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At twenty and one-point-six-three/four/two (can't remember) tall, I am a girl who loves many things, and detests a few. Not very fond of setting out a whole list of 'about me's, so... just read on. :)


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friends and credits

skin by: Jane
Thursday, January 15, 2009 @ 10:32 PM
the lost wallet

It was white, rather dirty and full of holes. The silver plate shimmered in the sun - 'River Island blah blah' it said. I walked into the toilet with it in my hand, emerged out of it without. Ran back in, breathless and gripped with a sense of dread, searched every cubicle and the wallet was gone.

A short-term desire has never been so strong. Please let someone return it back to me. :(

* * *

(emo period ends here) Two weeks into school, and things are picking up, albeit slowly. But surely. One month of lala land in December and I kind of forgot how 'busy' you can get in SMU - there's never an end to the activities you can take part in, and I find myself thinking about internships with companies A to Z, exchanges to places like Israel (the more I think about it, the more I long to do it but is it a pipe dream?), and in the shorter term, law play and my (short) lines, Paris and the cute french guy I will meet on Valentine's Day in the City of Lights...

Okay, the last thought was a joke lah.

And 21sts, too. The birthdays are streaming in, and though mine is far far away I'm happy to see friends reach 'adulthood'. I put inverted commas because adulthood seems a myth sometimes - my parents, for example, confuse me when they bicker over the smallest things, i.e. food in the fridge. I thought only my sister and I were entitled to do it, until they did it too.

But I suppose the significance of being 21 is undeniable - legally, especially. So yeah, by all means celebrations are more than permissible.

And I wish I could sit by the laptop and type the night away, but Finance beckons me and I should answer its call.

*shudder* My language is getting corny. Haha. Xiaohui, out. (apparently American Idol's back btw)



Saturday, January 03, 2009 @ 10:51 AM
my heart

... is a confusing organ sometimes.

It accelerates at the exciting prospects coming my way - but there is also a cold, subtle feeling, somewhat like f-e-a-r.

I fear failure.

There, I finally said it. A battlefield exists in my mind's eye - A burdened me is trying to fight off the forces of darkness but to no avail, everything's weighing me down, everything's closing in and I can't see, can't breathe, can't fathom where He is -

Then silence.

I am sitting on the cold ceramic, playing the guitar and softly singing songs of worship. The battlefield inches out, and in comes an image of Mary, content with sitting at Jesus's feet and listening to Him - whilst her sister Martha rushes in and out, in and out in the background preparing for big things with His arrival, there are big burdens on her shoulders, she's busy, she has no time, she cannot understand why He doesn't seem to give her the attention -

"Martha, Martha...you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
- Luke 10

If my heart would only stay still to listen this 2009 - I know that the fear of failure wouldn't be necessary at all.