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Walking by faith is something easy to say, but hard to do especially when things don't go as planned. But we try all the same, and I'm no exception. This blog is in some ways cathartic, in others a means for me to pen my thoughts and struggles as I walk this life and learn to trust God more with each passing day.


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skin by: Jane
Thursday, July 31, 2008 @ 11:52 PM
3 weeks to SOT graduation!

It's too fast. My honeymoon is ending!

Words can hardly express this experience in SOT; I regret somehow, not documenting every single moment I've had in the course, every encounter I've had with the living God, every valuable life lesson I've learnt from the pastors. If I had the time, I'd type a thesis about the whole experience - but that's a great big if. :( I guess I've to trust my memory bank to recall whatever I need when the circumstances call for it.

The past four months have been nothing short of amazing... 

I pause here, because I am at a loss for words. Maybe there's too much to say, to the point where I can't say anything. Does that make sense? It happens to me all the time, haha.

The school term's starting in 2 weeks too! One ends, another begins - and I await in anticipation for what's about to happen... I don't know why, but my heart beats a little faster when I think of the second half of the year. They say that the end is always better than the beginning, that being a good finisher is always better than starting off well. Very exciting.

I really should get to sleep, though I have so much to say - financial breakthroughs (a kind kind sponsor for SOT, a scholarship for the next year), law camp (which was fun!), uni-y camp (add previous comment haha), new meetups with old friends (always a pleasure), driving (i passed my BTT... evaluation! sigh cheap thrill right) and more. 

In a big, fat summary: Thank You. So much. 




Friday, July 11, 2008 @ 6:54 PM
just be freeeeee

In SOT, Pastor Kong talked about some of the amazing rules that Christians used to set down (and some are still imposing) in an attempt to be all holy and good and righteous.

1. Never watch shows like Harry Potter or the Da Vinci Code, one deals with sorcery which God hates and the other blasphemes against Jesus so it is sin if you watch it.

2. Never buy Alfa Romeo cars cos they have the symbol of a snake which represents a serpent which represents Satan.

3. The tv is the devil's box. Never watch it.

4. If you bow towards your elders, it is like worshipping them so it is wrong.

5. Woman cannot wear make-up because that shows worldliness and vanity.

And the list goes on... and on...

I laughed at some of these 'rules' at first because they are simply ridiculous (if rule no. 4 is true, then the Japanese are worshipping one another all the time!), but hidden behind them really is the (very) human tendency to rely on our own strength in everything we do - for some Christians who drown in self-made rules, it is to be right before God.

And it was how I was like before. From a young age I've been told that everything depends on whether I am hardworking or not, whether I am willing to do this, or that, whether I am, whether I am... So with that teaching I sought out to be a good daughter, student, friend - all by myself.

It worked. I was diligent, I got good grades. I was nice, I got good friends. I was fillial, they said I was a good daughter.

But in retrospect, something happened inside of me. I was constantly thinking and worrying what my next step would be, because since everything depended on myself, I must plan what to do, when to do, how to do A, B and C so that I would get D, E and F.

Very tiring you know.

But all that's changed now. :) When God is with me, I don't have to fear. I'm free!

So it frustrates me to know that rule 1 to 5 (and many more) above still have a stronghold over many believers today, because these rules and regulations are the very thing that Jesus died on the cross to release people from. All of us were made to be free, to know that the living God is with us wherever we go as long as we believe in Him, and there is no need for all the extraneous rules apart from the 10 Commandments.

That freedom is amazing, and until now I'm still amazed that God gives it freely to all who believe. Dad and mum always say to me, 'nothing is free in this world okay, hui.' and everytime I have the very strong desire to retort back, 'the blood of Jesus is free, and you can get to heaven for free. just believe loh!' but I control myself for the time being, because things at home are a bit hyper sensitive now haha.

* * *

I just bidded for the first time for my modules for next term - what an exciting experience, it feels like neopets all over again man. In the midst of taking my Basic Theory Test for driving, and so far it's been pretty interesting knowing about alcohol and the crazy fines imposed for the seemingly tiniest offences. I'm faci-ing for law orientation, and helping out a bit in the uni-y orientation too. And SOT is accelerating its busyness with all the tests and book reviews and deeper lessons.

It's been an eventful holiday, really - like a honeymoon with God, which beats any honeymoon with any guy, even Brad Pitt or Gu Tianle. Seriously. ;)

Except I'm very low on my finances, but somehow I'm never lacking in needs. Wants, I'm lacking of course - I could do with a new guitar, a new dress, a new pair of shoes, a new bag etc etc. Haiya. But never mind. 5 more years and I will be a rich bengoshi. Yes!! *pumps fist in the air* Haha.

Just for the effect: I'm free! :)



Thursday, July 03, 2008 @ 12:29 AM
He loves you. :)

Nothing else cleanses
Like the blood of Jesus
Nothing else comforts
Like the Holy Spirit

He comes like a gentle wind
A presence so sweet
My entire being surrenders
My tears fall
My heart is filled

Joy, joy, joy!
Nothing else can fill me up
Like the joy of the Lord
It overwhelms, it takes control
Gently it wraps my soul
I hear an unreserved laughter
A smile
It is from my lips

Do the same for all.
Encourage, cheer, motivate
Whatever I do to you,
Do the same for all.
Because I love you,
Love them too.


I make a decision
No matter how difficult
How trying
How tiring
Every single person:

The auntie on the street
The child with the lollipop
The granny with the trolley
The worker with the ladder
The friend on the phone

They matter to Him.
So much, He would die
So they can feel the way I feel now
Saved, accepted, loved, free.

So they matter to me.