profile

Walking by faith is something easy to say, but hard to do especially when things don't go as planned. But we try all the same, and I'm no exception. This blog is in some ways cathartic, in others a means for me to pen my thoughts and struggles as I walk this life and learn to trust God more with each passing day.


tag




archives

May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009



friends and credits

skin by: Jane
Wednesday, May 30, 2007 @ 10:33 AM
beyond thankful to Him

May 19th

Usually, the step after catching a vision is to see it die. There is a special reason for this - our vision often contains a combination of godly concerns and human perspectives, so God has to engineer a way whereby the godly concerns remain and the human perspectives are changed to divine perspectives.

This is a Biblical principle. The vision Moses received 'died' when he was rejected by his people and was forced to flee into the desert for forty years. The vision Abraham had of becoming the father of a great nation 'died' when he found his wife was barren.

The reason is this: The waiting time in which we find ourselves during the death of a vision is God's classroom for the development of godly character in us. It is in the waiting time, as the vision 'dies', that such qualities as patience, persistence, perserverance and self-control are built into us.


May 21st

... In 1965 God gave me a vision of putting together a daily Bible reading programme. In 1968 it 'died'. It did not discontinue, but for a whole year it was on the verge of collapse. My own enthusiasm for it slowly ebbed away until I said - 'Lord, it's not mine - it's Yours. ' Then came ressurection...

- Growing in Christ (365 devotions), Selwyn Hughes

More than two weeks ago, before I was sure I couldn't study law anymore this year, my attitude was that I had to do law and I wouldn't be happy in anything else, because it was a vision I had for myself. I was a hypocrite of sorts - telling myself I would lift it up to God and that I'll just have faith in whatever the outcome was, yet refusing to believe I would eventually be rejected by both schools - which did happen.

Then with guidance, I prayed in a different way the past two weeks.

Lord, if it is possible, let me study law this year. Nonetheless let not my will be done, but Yours only.

Not double-mindedly, I learnt to yield my university education, and the rest of my life up to Him. And ressurection did come. I am still amazed; I think I will be for the longest time.

I'm so happy now I want to shout HAHAHA out the window!=)))



Tuesday, May 29, 2007 @ 11:55 PM

Last day at owl today! It was exciting, tiring, fulfilling, smelly - especially the last hour when the kiasu singaporean atmosphere was at an all time high and the smelly tofu stall decided to fry more tofu.

Pictures pictures!



The temps!








Mav and I in our stinky yellow polos.


Counterpart popped by!

I'm going to miss owl for the warmth of its crew and the interaction with all the aunties and uncles and ah mas and ah kongs. But at the same time I'm glad I don't have to stink like poo whenever I get home from work. =D

I was pouring coffee in the afternoon, when I got a call from SMU saying that I have a place in law after all. I told them I needed some time to think, hung up the phone, called my dad and told him, hung up the phone, called smu back and accepted the place, my hands trembling, ran to mav and told her the news, couldn't stop smiling the entire day.

Thank You.



Monday, May 28, 2007 @ 11:58 PM
a song I just fell in love with






Heard this on the radio on my way back in uncle sam's (OWL crew; I feel blessed cos he drives me back home from expo after work!) OWL van, and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. =)




Friday, May 25, 2007 @ 11:35 PM
kopi, anyone?

My feet are aching, I smell like smelly tofu (even after bathing! omg can you imagine how I smelt before bathing) but my tummy is blissfully filled and I'm feeling quite high!=)

Must be the coffee.



Started the first day of my three day stint at the Food Expo today; kudos to mav and her mum for the lobang! Basically what we had to do was simple - pour coffee (working for OWL) into tiny cups for potential buyers to sample. And shout ' lai ah lai ah yao he ka fei ma ' with a big wide smile. I don't know about mav, but when everyone swarmed around my tray and snatched the cups like they were filled with bird's nest, I felt very happy. Hurhur.

Customers who sampled today can be divided into two main groups, with a few splinter groups:

1. Those who sincerely want to buy coffee
2. Those who just want to drink something
a. Those who want to keep awake the next few hours
b. Those who hate coffee, but want to be daring
c. (only applicable to kids) Those who want to feel like adults

Honestly! A little girl came up to me, took a cup, took a sip and squealed 'I'm an adult now I'm an adult now I'm an adult now!!' and proceeded on to gulp down the rest. I wanted to pinch her cheeks at that moment, so adorable.

Then there were a few who took sips and almost immediately their eyes widened (I am very sure I saw this man's nose flare up) and went, 'wah! drink owl become owl man!' which left me giggling madly.

Funny customers aside, the owl crew is cool too. Towards the last few hours food from other stalls kept creeping in (free somemore!) thanks to them and we stuffed ourselves with dodo tofu, fried chicken wings, fake shark's fin, tea leaf egg and OH MY I just realised I really ate a lot.

*grins*

There's a lot to look forward to next week! This stint, Cantab and Emerge. Wheee!



Wednesday, May 23, 2007 @ 1:41 PM
carpe diem



There! To everyone scratching their heads in reaction to what I've been doing the past months with mav and rhoda, the above is one of the gazillion games we had a hand in putting together (okay not exactly; the boss actually creates the template for us to put in the words and meanings etc) .

Finally got the hang of Freehand - this software that most publishers/editorial people use - and am now putting together volume two (one was done, after so long, phew), after which I suppose we'll not continue any longer.

My plans for June/July? Probably community service+socialising+catching up+church ministry+really learning how to cook (properly)+planning for uni+taking up a sport. *shakes head* I don't even know if I can do them all!

Digress. Heard this question on teevee and thought it interesting:

What's your philosophy of food?

Hmmmmm.

Eat like every meal is your last.
(everyone say whhhoooaaaa) =D

But seriously, I mean it. I've heard of you are what you eat but that doesn't make much sense to me; you mean if I have a sudden craving for smelly tofu, I'm like one?

And speaking of cravings, I have one right now, for rosti. ahhh!

So what's yours? (not craving lah, the philosophy one)



Sunday, May 20, 2007 @ 11:28 PM
i want to Emerge!

Was at guitar class today, and suddenly the topic in conversation was Emerge, the youth conference that the church will be having at the end of May (I am so friggin' excited!).

So one of our guitar instructor's 28, which means he's overage and he can't really take part in all the competitions.

'Yah lah! I cannot emerge lah, I submerge lah.'

Okay it doesn't sound very funny here but when he said it I just burst out laughing. =D I've been attending guitar class every Sunday evening at CHEC (city harvest education centre) at Bras Basah, and it's been quite a blast! Especially when you hear 10 guitars strumming like mad to the same song. It raises the musical adrenaline, seriously (if something like that exists at all!).

And speaking of musical adrenaline, I've been singing again, in a choir. *looks sheepishly at mav and rhoda* I thought I'd lost the passion for choral singing, but it turns out I still get quite a kick out of singing high Es and Gs and screeching and adding to the volume of air in the room. No, seriously, I still get the goosebumps singing in a choir. The oh so familiar goosebumps I thought I got tired of. Thanks, both of you, for nagging at me at the start to perform for Cantabile. =)




Am I still wallowing in disappointment?

I'd be lying if I said no. But if disappointment were a puddle of water, it's slowly drying up, revealing in its place a surface that will withstand greater weathering.

Just accepted the place at NTU! I will, of course, try to appeal to NUS law - whether that turns out positive is beyond my control, and once again I'm lifting these into His hands.

Current mood: joyful! (maybe it's the GSS;))



Thursday, May 17, 2007 @ 12:07 AM
and so it remains locked.

I've been offered Arts and Soci by NUS. (which sounds nicer than nus law rejected me, but yeah it basically did)

I'm disappointed. I know my parents will be, perhaps even more.

But it's still very confusing, because I am not as disappointed as I expected myself to be. I'm not crying (I thought I would), just frowning sightly; my mind is racing; it's as if an instinctive, defensive mechanism came into immediate action the moment I saw the offer on the admissions webpage.

I know deep inside that He has a plan for me, a plan far greater than my own. Maybe that's why. I wince at the expectations I have fallen short of in others' eyes, but then... I just wince.

Therefore it is NTU Mass Comm I'm accepting! Is it me, or did my heart feel lighter when I typed that?

Whatever it is, thank You.



Wednesday, May 16, 2007 @ 2:46 PM
please speak to me.

I'm standing in the middle of two doors; one is locked, and the other is wide open. In my hand there is a key, but I don't know what it opens. My feet are stuck to the ground. I want very much to walk towards the locked door and open it, but I can't. I turn towards the open door, and try to see what lies beyond, but it's all blur with occasional clear spots here and there. I imagine what lies beyond the locked door, and it's all clear in my mind's eye. Except there is a possibility that when it does open, it might not be what I imagine all of it to be.

I stand there, with a frown on my face. It is all very confusing. Will the locked door ever open? And the open door; will it lead to something better, something I never dreamed of? And then if the locked door does open eventually, where do I walk? Am I in this dilemma because I don't want to face disappointment, should the locked door stay locked?

Yet I wait patiently. At least I try to. And hope and pray fervently that His voice speaks to me to guide me, eventually.



Monday, May 14, 2007 @ 3:11 PM
hold my hand

I have an inkling that nus rejected me. People have received their acceptance letters and I've no news. Isn't that quite a big and obvious hint?

On saturday night I tossed and turned in my bed, thinking long and hard about the road that lies before me. Call it escapism or idealism or egoism, but ever since the interview and written test I've thought that I had a good chance of being accepted.

arggghhhh.

It's difficult to surrender what I want into God's hands... I've always thought I'd be able to do it, but when push comes to shove, a part of me screamed, why?

'It's not that your way is not good, it's just that My way is best.'

Whatever lies ahead of me... I'm learning to trust in Him, day by day. But now I'm still hoping, still wishing, still dreaming, perhaps. Even if the sky has turned from sunny to kind of overcast.



Wednesday, May 09, 2007 @ 3:54 PM
proud to be

It's one of those moments when I'm proud to be an ex-njcian. An ex-njchoirian, to be more specific. =)

Gold with honours. Hearing you guys on stage was a phenomenal experience; because I knew the amount of hard work put in, because I knew the immense drive behind the music, by the end of the performance I was so happy, and so touched, too.

Three cheers for njchoir!

p.s. watch them on youtube!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkvApbkNric&NR=1



Monday, May 07, 2007 @ 11:37 PM
ouch.

SMU law rejected me and gave me a place in accountancy instead.

Rejection stings.

I'm not entirely crestfallen... just a bit disappointed. Who relishes rejection?

It's all in His hands - I have to tell myself that.



Sunday, May 06, 2007 @ 11:40 PM
of double deckered beds

The bed I shared with my sister collapsed! And when I say collapsed, I really mean collapsed. My face contorted in amusement when my sis showed me the spectacle - the bed, except the board where the mattress laid was tilting downwards and looking as if any moment the whole structure might disintegrate.

Pardon me if I don't sound too distraught over this; it's because Dad (in his usual quick response to home crises such as this) bought a new bed the next day! And it isn't an ordinary bed! It's a double deckered bed! *skips around room clapping*

You have to understand my childhood story before you smirk at my apparent cheap thrill.

From a young age I've envied those who had double deckers, for the simple reason that it saved space, I could actually climb up to go to sleep (a bit like a treehouse, and treehouses are perpetual fantasies to me), and that I can actually touch the ceiling when I wake up.

So getting a double decker (it's arriving this tuesday, i can't wait) sort of fulfills a childhood dream. Dad and Mum weren't keen on one before, because somehow they could visualise us falling off the bed and fracturing our arms and legs. I couldn't.

The cool thing about this new double decker is that it can be detached to give two single sized beds! ooooooooooo.

Cheerios.