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Walking by faith is something easy to say, but hard to do especially when things don't go as planned. But we try all the same, and I'm no exception. This blog is in some ways cathartic, in others a means for me to pen my thoughts and struggles as I walk this life and learn to trust God more with each passing day.


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skin by: Jane
Friday, March 23, 2007 @ 10:57 AM
joy

It's hard not to feel joyous at this point of my life, when God has really been good to me. Be it financially, emotionally, spiritually, I've never felt more filled. And of course, relationship-wise - especially with three friends who mean the world to me. =)



The trip was funfunfun! It's really the company that counts, there's no denying it.



On the way to Cameron we made friends with a beautiful toddler Ruqi (or is it Rucci?)! We unanimously agreed that she'll be a beauty queen when she grows up. See, even Roy can't take his eyes off her. tsk tsk.




Over at Brinchang town, where we settled down at a hawker centre. The number of flies is proportional to the number of square tiles you see in the picture, how fascinating. It was nice though, just sitting down and talking whilst the flies buzz around providing some kind irritating entertainment.



Not happy is it??!




This could be the new mascot for the octomaniacs. It's portable and prickly and has eight 'tentacles', so why not?



Flowers have this uncanny ability to lift up my spirits. Isn't this scene pretty?




Back in the hotel room, where we feasted on strawberries, fresh and preserved. The food there is cheap! And good! Cakes at Secret Recipe there go at half the price here in sg - how cool is that?!



At KL we were like overgrown kids! Sat at almost every ride in the indoor theme park at Berjaya (which was quite deserted; it seemed like we owned the entire place) and by the end of it we felt pukish. Unlike the other theme parks I've been to where you're most likely to feel high, this one made us feel... quite uncomfortable, what with the 'DNA mixer' which tossed and flipped and shook us till the food at Kenny Rogers we had for lunch almost reversed its course, and with this ride which went in circles for like 50 times at a crazy speed and made my tummy hurt cos I couldn't stop laughing and screaming during the ride.


That aside, we still had fun screaming and laughing at ourselves. =D




On the way home! It felt as if we've experienced the two extremes in Malaysia; Cameron, which was peaceful and calm, and KL, which was noisy and smelly and busy. The 'rural' and the urban. The fresh air and the polluted air. Nonetheless the company made everything enjoyable! To have all things stressful tossed at the back of our heads, and to simply dwell in laughter and relaxation is heavenly.

And now I'm back in reality. Nothing sad about that; I wouldn't want to have that kind of fun forever. I'm content with what I've experienced in the trip, I think we all are. =)

As April arrives very soon I find myself anticipating the interviews and preparation. Will be going for the SMU interview next friday; I have excited butterflies flapping around in my stomach thinking about it. I think the butterflies will morph into birds when the NUS one approaches, but that aside, I already have some dilemma-ish questions in my head.

If SMU asks which school I will choose should I be accepted into both NUS and SMU, what should I say? My gut tells me I must be honest (which I will be), but then what? I need to somehow shape my answer such that it doesn't put down SMU and ruin my chances. After all, if NUS doesn't accept me, SMU is my next best choice.

I need to do some serious mulling.



Monday, March 19, 2007 @ 1:41 PM
whee!

In about 9 hours I will be going overseas with -



these lovable people!


Guess where we're going?


No prizes - MALAYSIA. Cameron Highlands and KL, to be exact. Haha it ain't Italy or Hong Kong, but it's the company that counts yes? ;)


Hopefully a truckload of pics the next entry!



Monday, March 12, 2007 @ 3:18 PM
episode of the fishbone

I am eighteen. And had a fishbone stuck in my throat.

I remember chewing on a piece of fish and spitting it out because I realised that it wasn't fish; it was ten bones disguised as fish (or more than ten, maybe). Then I proceeded on with swallowing.

Ouch. Something poked my throat, and I thought it was some bone than could be swallowed down - because it always happens to me, bone swallowing.

An hour later, I was still trying to swallow it down.

Tried riceballs (Mum's idea, I think it was cute), grapes, oranges, all couldn't work. Mum went into a kind of worrying fit and off we whooshed in a cab to NUH's A&E. The whole time, I think I swallowed about 10000 times trying to destroy the cursed bone.

So at the hospital we waited. And waited. Mum met her friend and told her about the reason why we were there, I was expecting a bit of sympathy but her friend laughed quite loudly. I couldn't help it - I laughed too. I mean, which clear-headed eighteen year old would almost choke on a fishbone?!

Okay lah, me.

The digging out process was quite an experience. I sat on the chair, looking suspiciously at the scope the doc was washing because it had this long metal rod attached and the thought that it would soon enter my throat - urgh. Then the doc pressed my tongue down with an instrument to take a peek first. The bone was in sight! I felt the sensation to puke, but before I knew it the doc used a long pair of tweezers and took the stupid bone out. And there it was, sharp and quite, quite long.

The relief was SO wowifying. More than that. I can't find a word to describe it. I wanted to whoop in joy and hug the doc but my Mum might face the possibility of not being able to face that doc at work again, so... yeah.

I am not going to eat bony fish again. Nevereverever.

(I bet after a few weeks I'll forget this, so please remind me if you're eating with me.)


* * *


The past weekend was, for many, filled with mind boggling choice making as the precious few universities opened up their doors for the public. I managed only to make it down to SMU (reached NUS on sat at 6pm, what a joke when siew and I went there to find people already shuffling out!) and honestly, I wasn't bowled over, though admittedly I think their style of education will generally equip graduates with better skills for the corporate world. That aside, open houses are kind of like jc/sec sch/pri sch reunions, aren't they? At SMU I felt I caught up with more with friends I haven't seen for a long time, than with the workings of the school.

Recently though, I've been thinking to myself, is Law really for me? Do I want it just because I want it, or merely because of the pay and the prestige?

After a bit of reflection I realised, with a bit of horror, that the pay and prestige mattered to me. But I'm sure now that I want it, not because I want it, but because of:

- the intellectual challenge
- its inextricable relationship with language
- the skills it will equip me with, especially logical thinking
- the nature of law, which embeds itself so strongly yet subtlely into society, which means I can impact people in largely beneficial ways, doing something I have interest in
- the pay and prestige. to be brutally honest.

It has to come in for me, I guess, the pay. A big part of me wants to give my loved ones and myself more comfortable lives. And the nobility and respect given to the profession is quite irresistable. But the most important reason for me has to be the fourth bulletpoint.

For now, it's preparation, prep, prep for tests and interviews. If I eventually get in I think I will be deliriously happy.



Wednesday, March 07, 2007 @ 3:32 PM
growing up

Taught piano (officially) for the first time today, and I am appalled at the sheer rustiness of my skills. Granted, I haven't practised intensively for the longest time, but I didn't expect my skills to have degraded that much. I shall practise for an hour everyday, from today.

That aside, my student is the sweetest thing ever. The family is korean and had just moved into Singapore last July, so English is quite of a challenge. Nonetheless, it was instant liking the moment I spoke to the mother and played a little with my student. She's Hyon Jin, is nine years old, and her voice is like honey. She's so so adorable!

The first few minutes were kind of bimbotic, because I was trying to make her less shy. She was so shy, she hid behind her mum when she saw me. I hope it was just because I was a stranger, and not because I emitted a laoda aura. So for a few seconds it was kind of like an Indian movie, because I was going towards the left side of her mother to catch her eye and she hid to the right, so I went to the right and she hid to the left, so I went to the left and - you know what I mean. Eventually I managed to break some ice by shaking her hand and being very gentle - yes I am capable of being very gentle - and then I got her to play some tunes for me.

It was heartening to see a child, at nine, playing something on the piano with an expression of absolute concentration. We are from two entirely different cultures, yet the tunes strike the same chord within, and it wasn't very difficult to communicate despite the language barrier. Music is a universal language - guess I truly experienced it today.

The last fifteen minutes or so she warmed up to me, and my heart almost melted when I played her favourite korean tunes from her korean scores she used to play from a long time ago, because she sang as I played! I can't imagine how it is for a child her age to adapt to an environment entirely different from the one she grew up in. As she sang I could sense reminiscence in her voice and strong pride for her homeland - she told me excitedly, about what the songs were about, how much she loved them, how much her brother loved them.

Can't wait for the next lesson! Too bad her mum wants me to focus on technique. That's going to rob away the much of the joy from music, but I'll think of a way to make the lessons more interesting. =)

Now that the A level results are known, a huge invisible weight is lifted off my shoulders. Was thinking to myself recently and I realised...I am truly growing up.

That might seem kind of duh-ish, like hello, who isn't? For me, at least, it's quite amazing reflecting upon my own life. PSLE, O Levels, A Levels. Nursery, Primary, Secondary, College. No VS, VS (guess what I'm referring to hurhur). Unbeliever, believer. 1, 5, 10, 15, 18 going on 19. Have I made the most out of my life? Honestly, I don't think so. There were so many things more meaningful I could have done, would have done, but I didn't. And now as another chapter ends and I am walking towards a new one, I should really do more.

Then again, what does 'making most of my life' mean? We all have this weakness of never being satisfied with what we have.

Mull, mull. Deep thoughts aside, there are pressing things that I have to settle within these few weeks. Yeap, university admission! I'll be applying to Law at NUS and SMU, then Communications at NTU, then Accountancy at NTU and SMU. That despite my parents' incessant nagging at me to put Accountancy before Communications. To them, the more stable the better. I am trying to present to them the logical argument of 'what I don't like a lot, I probably might not do very well in', but it seems to fall on deaf ears. No matter. When it comes to parents, the best way is to be patient.

Should I be adventurous and put Biochemical Engineering as my fourth choice? Ha!

Angela reminded me earlier that we've come a long way since primary school. Indeed! I'm proud to arrive at where I am now, and will continue advancing the stairway of life. Stairway of life. What a creative way to express myself, huh.

Okay I'll quit the sarcasm. Back to the project! I have thousands of words to group, someone save me.



Saturday, March 03, 2007 @ 12:59 AM
thankful.

I'm happy, very happy. Two years of intense juggling and worrying and doubting and struggling and mugging (and so much more) have come to a complete close, and now, it's time for the next phase of my life.


Cheers to that!


My grades happen to be one of the combinations (or is it permutations?) I came up with the previous entry. I shall attempt to be mysterious and not say which one. heh. You can ask me if you're itching to know.


hallelujah.