walking by faith

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At twenty and one-point-six-three/four/two (can't remember) tall, I am a girl who loves many things, and detests a few. Not very fond of setting out a whole list of 'about me's, so... just read on. :)

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skin by: Ja ne

Sunday, August 27, 2006 @ 11:44 PM

wow.

One word to describe service and make up cell today: wow.

P.S. But it's important to clear up the doubts you have about your faith. Because these doubts will accumulate, and bring you further away from Him. I'm not trying to get a conclusive answer from the previous entry; I'm trying to take responsibility for my faith - because faith is not just pure believing, it's understanding, knowing, and sometimes justifying and correcting. Without conscious action, faith becomes an empty vessel.

Saturday, August 26, 2006 @ 1:26 PM

question _

GP prelims next wednesday. If you ask me whether I'm prepared for it, I'd say no. You can never be prepared enough for a subject, because if you were, you'd get full marks all the time. And especially for GP. I contemplated memorising information for content, but nah. I'd end up twisting the information to suit the context of the essay, which is totally what GP is NOT about. So what am I gonna do?

Beats me.

But I've been thinking about some stuff lately - religion, to be specific. Ever since I converted to Christianity weeks ago things have been running through my mind, some ridiculous, some serious and some complex.

How do you know God exists? Then I realised that you don't really have to ask the question. He's there. Right there before you. Do you seriously think that Man evolved from hairy monkeys? If so, then, do you think it possible that every aspect of our lives is governed purely by Chance, by Fate, by Destiny? When you meet a stranger, who eventually becomes your best friend in the world, is it not Providence at all? We question the existence of God when bad things happen to us, but why do we fail to appreciate all the good things He has done for us?

Not trying to start a debate here because it will yield no conclusive answers, but I'm just trying to assert my belief - that all of us have and will to return to God - whether we're eight, eighteen or eighty.

Is there, then, only one God in this world? If you ask me, I'd say yes. But how does that explain the presence of so many other faiths in this world? To me, the presence of other faiths doesn't necessarily equate to a whole row of different 'Gods' sitting up there, waiting for you to worship them and if you don't, they'd get really pissed. I mean, that's just kinda ridiculous.

In a society where faiths are placed in so many different places, we cannot outwardly establish the existence of only one God - that would seriously tip the balance of stability. The price of establishing a uniform faith like how the World State worships their 'God' in Brave New World is too much for modern society to pay. But we're entitled to our own beliefs. And what I believe is... what I believe.

I'm still within the first 100m of my spiritual walk - there's so much for me to know and learn, and I'm getting at it. Saying grace, for example - I keep forgetting to do it, partly because I didn't understand why I had to do it. But now that I do (thanks to bible study), I've done it consistently the past few days (finally!) , and there seems to be a whole new dimension to my meals.

I haven't explicitly told my parents about my acceptance of Christ yet - still waiting for the right time - but they're not objecting to my going to Church, so thank goodness.

dsaflkjhafljhalf. Back to Books.

Monday, August 21, 2006 @ 7:59 PM

2 Corin 5:7-9
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed.

Thank you counterpart. =)

Sunday, August 20, 2006 @ 12:11 AM

the purple lining

haha! Finallyfinallyfinally. My connection's working again.

It's one of those times when you stare at your screen racking your brains over the significant things that happened over the past week but all that registers is this whole collage's worth of... mind-pictures, if i may call them.

And so, despite the stress the past week, things happened which made everything lighter, in a sense - super exciting pe lessons (and terribly hot too), talking theology when we were supposed to focus on the lit text, lame jokes here and there, occasional enlightenments from revision, and being a small part of css choir alumni's concert just last evening.

It was really nice, seeing the same old people I used to see when in blue, and listening to choral music again. Singing and listening is therapeutic, you know - I strongly believe that.

I miss singing. *wistful* haha but for now, all attention on my dirty old study table! (shucks la I have like a mountain of things to do grumblegrumble) jiayou!

Thursday, August 10, 2006 @ 10:29 AM

we're 41!

Ooohh yes we are. And my family celebrated national day this year not by having our eyes wistfully set on the television screen at thousands having fun in the stadium, but going for a nice dinner at a restaurant. =) Dad has this a la carte membership (which I have already set my mind on getting when I go to work!), and it is amazing! We get to go to good eating places and have our meals discounted ridiculously. I really don't mind, so long as I get to submerge myself in all that yummilicious tastebud-enticing food.

Last night we ate at this Italian restaurant 'Pontini', and no prizes for guessing, the moment I read the menu I was pulled back four months ago into the town of bardolino. I saw 'risotto' on the menu and I thought of the cheese rice we had on the first day (it's literally rice in cheese. can't say I like it), I saw the whole string of Italian words and I had the exact feeling I had in the restaurants of bardolino when we were at a loss of what to order, I saw the bottle of olive oil placed on the table and I thought of the rows and rows of olive oil they had in their stores, I saw the bread they gave us before our main course arrived and I thought of the breakfasts we had at hotel vittoria - bread, bread and more bread.

Talk about major pbs-ing!

The moment the pasta arrived, however, things seemed to go in slow motion. Clams, tomatoes, prawns, squid, pasta of four different shapes, sauces of different flavour - they were placed on our table, and for a moment I felt I was in total bliss (like how I always feel before a meal; food has this profound effect on me!). And it was amazing! Maybe except for the olive oil - soaked pasta, which I didn't like. But Dad lapped it up saying that it helps in cancer prevention, and I swear I could see him grimacing a little when he put it into his mouth and said that.

We were blissfully full and we walked along clarke quay after that - in the midst of walking we heard the fireworks, and being the fireworks-manic that I am I frantically tried to search for a glimpse of them but to no avail. It is a terrible feeling, to be able to hear the fireworks but not see them. Bleah.

Haha but nonetheless we had fun!

Had celebrations the day before yesterday, and let me present to you the most creative mascot of all houses -

I think it's supposed to be a lion, from the looks of its head. It's hilarious! The bunch of us sitting at the grandstand stared open-mouth at it, and a few seconds later we were all pointing at it and laughing. But seriously I thought it was seriously creative effort. The thing actually moves with the help of someone cycling a teeny weeny bicycle at the back of the cloth. Kudos to their effort.

Went out with mavnanishuqimel after that, and like always it was all enjoyable. =D

It's this time of the year when my love of Singapore increases pretty drastically, after which it returns to its normal level as quickly as it went up at the thought of the work I have to immerse myself in.

Happy birthday Singapore anyway!

Thursday, August 03, 2006 @ 11:01 PM

Things are piling up, eyebags are growing, tempers are on the verge of flaring, papers are strewn all over my desk, I'm beginning to be able visualise every speck of dirt on the study table as I type this - They weren't kidding when they said this was the most trying period in a Singaporean student's academic life.

I can do it. I can. YES I CAN. *burst of self-confidence*

Shucks. These are the things I do to myself when I think of the pile of revision I need to do. They work for a maximum of three hours or so, so oh well.

*

I made the decision. It's a huge one to make, especially at this period, and there are so many things that should be holding me back. But this - this isn't something you can really rationalise. I can't do some things as freely, and there are so many things I need to learn - but I'm feeling this sense of freedom, like I'm released from something that was previously holding me back. Can't really explain it... I'm glad. =)