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Walking by faith is something easy to say, but hard to do especially when things don't go as planned. But we try all the same, and I'm no exception. This blog is in some ways cathartic, in others a means for me to pen my thoughts and struggles as I walk this life and learn to trust God more with each passing day.


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skin by: Jane
Monday, October 31, 2005 @ 10:05 PM
my new skin!

Purple grows on me. Call me zi lian, but the more I look at the simplicity and the purpleness of the blogskin, the more I fall for it.


ah! It's so pretty!


shalala. Had Lit make up lessons today for King Lear, and today Lear sinks into insanity. He goes stark raving mad over his daughters' fillial ingratitude, and enacts a court trial at a storm shelter, with two stools as his daughters, a fellow madman Tom and his Fool as the judge, and himself as part of the prosecution.


It was hilarious, when ms teo got the ao2 peeps to role play the scene of the mock trial. I, for one, laughed along like the others when the characters sounded unconventionally funny.


But humour aside, I did feel deep sympathy for Lear underneath the hahahas, even before ms teo emphasised that the whole trial was a tragic reflection of Lear's sad fate.


Perhaps the sympathy accumulated, from the time when Lear started to show signs of losing his lucidity and the turmoil when his daughters turned into fugly serpants.


Lear isn't my favourite character, though. I like Edgar.

If you're wondering what the hell I am saying, its alright. :)


The poem you saw when you entered my url, Wires, is my current favourite because it employs fascinating techniques to emphasise the running theme - that of entrapment. Which I am feeling to a certain extent now, from the committments I have undertaken the coming holidays.

If you realise, firstly, the rhyme scheme it follows is:

a
b
c
d

d
c
b
a

The different alphabets represent the rhyming of the whole poem. For example, 'fences' rhymes with 'senses', so both lines are given the letter 'a' for the common rhyme.

If you join the same letters to each other, you get:



Doesn't that look like an image of entrapment to you? That when you go up 'against the wires', you still can't get out from the electric wired-fences.


Of course there are many other aspects of the poem to analyse, but to me, the rhyme scheme was a WHOA.


Until I see a more appealing poem, Wires will remain as the home page for muh blog.

I hope I answered your question, shuqi!:)



Sunday, October 30, 2005 @ 3:38 PM
i like today.

My home is still the place I'd much rather be, even if you give me 10 bungalows to stay in.


Typical Sunday, television, my guitar, the computer, good books, family.


Man, I like Sundays. I tend to think more when I'm at home.


So the school term has ended, and in no time it'll be goodbye 2005, hello 2006!


Can I lament once more how fast time flies?


Though it has been a helluva fast year, I'd say it has been the most fulfilling, self-awakening year I've had. Despite the fact that my academics weren't up to my expectations.


Well, that can be adjusted during the holidays.


The bulk of the experience through the year came from school activities, no prizes for guessing. Nana left for a better life, and my family had to go through a major adjustment. Piano lessons ended, I found passion in Lit, made wonderful wonderful friends in my class and in my CCAs, had (okay la, have) an eye candy, fine-tuned my time management skills to a great deal, read up on deeper books and articles, discovered local music, project work (yes, I can't believe it myself), thought hard about my future career - its either Law, or to do with Communications - and today, I find myself a fair bit more mature than a year ago.


=D Yea, a year ago I was still playing chee ko pa with my sister.

Not that I don't do that now - only in very desperate situations!


But I'm still a tad muddled about BGR. To me it seems a blurry image, or a mirage I sometimes imagine it to be.


I am.. unsure. mmhmhmmm.


I'm just feeling thankful for everything. THANK YOU to all who have made my life vibrant and fulfilling.



@ 1:53 PM
the Creative and Publicity Unit

Had a CPU outing at Sentosa yesterday. It was fun to the max!









heh. Don't think you can see much here la.


wo ai CPU!



Friday, October 28, 2005 @ 11:30 PM
note to self

Note to self: Holidays = serious work

These 10 years of education in Singapore has taught me one thing. That when they say it's a holiday, they are telling a big fatty lie.


pui!

My ideal holiday? One free from the pressure of work - which is highly impossible, I know that.


*shrugs* I came home about an hour plus ago from dinner at the foodcourt downstairs with mavis and royston. If I could rate dinner mates, they'll be quite high on the list leh! =)


nah. haha I enjoy their company simply because they make me laugh like a hyena most of the time. :D


I'm currently preoccupied with the guitar and am learning the song 'Same Side of the Moon' by Corrinne May. It's lovely, go listen to it!


that's all for now.



Tuesday, October 25, 2005 @ 2:41 PM
ish vader vader?

I'm in the German Room (doing pw with my pwmates, two of them are german LEP students) and there is curremtly a group of IP2s having german lessons. It's pretty interesting listening to them fumble and laugh over their supposedly broken german - I think! Their conversations are littered with errs and umms.


Now if I had a choice after getting my PSLE resullts, I'd pick French as a third language.


How cool is that?! ;)


Life's slow moving these days because I need only reach school at 11 plus to do pw and if I have CCAs in the afternoon, I just go for them. I kinda like this pace.


But I can't live in self denial much longer, that this pace will continue for the coming months. My results - which I am still dwelling over - have propelled me to thinking I need more practice. Constructive practice, that is.


I have signed up for a work attachment with a law firm at the end of the year for approximately three weeks. Í think at the end of it I'll lie on the floor and rot due to over exhaustion from orientation planning and choir practices and work, but something inside me tells me it will be worth it.


I talked to Miss Teo (the i/c for work attachments) regarding my initial intention to quit the attachment and something she said struck me - that she, as a student, did little in her college years to grab opportunities and later regretting it.


I don't want to end up like that. I want to see for myself how a law firm works, even if I have to pour coffee for the most obnoxious bosses and run errands that even a primary 4 can do.


I'll have to sacrifice leisure. But I'm willing to.



Saturday, October 22, 2005 @ 8:31 PM
Puberty Power

Michelle and Evelyn came over for PW in the late morning today and it was productive. Not that the previous meetings weren't so; I'm thankful for my PWmates, because the four other girls - michelle, evelyn, weiting and sherinah - are simply great to work with. Though I gotta admit we aren't the best of buds and sometimes we don't crap like the elits and I do - PW seems almost enjoyable (note: ALMOST ah) because of them.


And tomorrow I'll be making my way to evelyn's for another session of PW. She has a full drum set!! Ohmygosh I'm excited.


My younger cousin Rongxin went home an hour ago and I think my sister's suffering from the-lack-of-a-play-companion syndrome. She is now on a binge, eating cake after a gigantic bowl of pumpkin soup.


It doesn't take a lot for me to figure out that she had a ball of a time the past two days Rongxin stayed over at grandma's house. Apparantly when I was slogging my guts out for halo last night she watched The Eye and The Ring with him, maikian, ah bo jong (my aunts) and grandma.


Then, when the female ghost was about to emerge from The Ring and everyone was huddled behind pillows, the phone rang - if you answer the phone in The Ring you die - and all of them screamed.


Nana was on the line! How funny is that.


I didn't see Rongxin face to face till this evening when I went over to my grandma's to specially say hello to him and my sis, who practically stuck to him like glue.


The first thought that came to me when I bellowed HI to him was, my, he is tall.


Like a walking giant he cowered over me - imagine a 12 year old boy doing that! - and I tried at best to keep a straight, stern face.


The next thought that came to my mind when he bellowed a reply was, my, his voice is DEEP.


Wow. I am amazed at the power of puberty.


But he hasn't changed at all, because the words that came out of his mouth were uncouth and his aura simple screamed I HATE MANNERS.


I can't bring myself to dislike him, though. Somehow beneath the rudeness was a pretty charming boy who, occasionally, says things that make sense no matter how blunt they sound.


mm hmm. I'm staying up tonight for the wedding planner. In the mood for some romantic comedy lah.



@ 10:42 AM
thinking hard.

If I were to be brutally honest, I'd say that I am disappointed with my promo results. Very.


Yes, I know I should be thankful that I can keep by 4 As when the rest of my elits are now at a delimma, wondering which subject to drop.


And I did improve.


But only to a small extent.


The thing is, I worked hard. (not sure about smart) At least I think I did. So why didn't my results reflect the amount of work I put in?


I've never been in such a situation before. And maybe that's why it hurts.


Thanks to those who comforted me, in one way or another. Especially the elits. I'll be reviewing the cause of this heartbreak (seriously) and let's hope I emerge as a better student eh?


* * *


Remember I mentioned somewhere I did a question about life and existence in my GP paper? I received my script the day before yesterday, and got a 29, which is mediocre. Turned out 'living' can't entirely be defined as being compassionate and passionate in doing things - and I still don't understand why. According to my tutor, if one pursues his passion, he can't be 'living' because he wouldn't have time for anything else, and if one has morals and reaches out to the needy, he can't be living either because similarly, he will be living his life only for others.


And a question mark appears above my head. Huh?


Note to self: Don't attempt philosophical questions because you can't assert your own opinions in your essay. There is, ironically, still a generic mark scheme teachers have to follow when students argue controversial issues.


Urgh.


* * *


My younger cousin (a puny 12 year old) is in my grandma's house now and I feel so alone because my sister's attention is focused entirely on him. Trust me, if I ever step foot into my grandma's house, I'll suffer a terrible fate of relentless shouts from physical battle.


Yea, when the both of them meet they evlove into wild animals.


time for pw. ciao!



Sunday, October 16, 2005 @ 1:39 AM

Look at the time. I amaze myself sometimes.


I am now in complete awe of the things technology can do to you. It is a cunning, conniving creature slithering at the back of our heads, creating all that anticipation, expections and then, disappointment. Total disappointment.


Grrr.


Such aside, Open Day today was a success. A pretty biggie one at that! The crowd WAS significantly smaller, but yep, remember that there are hundreds who are already offered a place in a JC, be it via DSA or the IP programme.


All i can say is, OPEN DAY ROCKED! cheerios to the organising com, the council, the volunteers.
sleep le. haha nite~



Monday, October 10, 2005 @ 10:07 PM
couch potatoes

I just got off the line with Nana - she's doing perfectly fine, except that she is more of a couch potato these days than before. And she hasn't conceived yet. Man.. I wanna be a god ma!


hahaha. okay my maternal instincts have not kicked in yet, please don't misunderstand me.


Do I still miss nana? I guess it's a feeling that won't ever go away, despite the frequent calls we make to each other and the non-stop chatting. yea, it'll diminish, but I doubt it'll ever go away.


TODAY was a pretty mellow, happy day. (some consolation here before the mad work comes for open day!;)) But I'm serious la.


Firstly, IGNIS WON for bball girls during gamefest!
Then, then.. I had a grad nite meeting, followed by choir and an hour and a half dinner in the foodcourt with my family.


Funny. What's happy about today then?


Perhaps it's the weight of the promos being lifted, the inherent stress that I've got revision to do, I still have a lot of it, I have to do it, now!!! which has - thank goodness - disappeared.


And that I talked lots with Mum and Dad today. Not that it is rare, but at the foodcourt we touched on topics that would have been taboo a year ago. It's not just today, but over the period of last week. My parents have always been the conservative-you-can-only-have-a-bf-when-you-are-in-the-uni type, and they steer clear away from guy-girl relationship talk; but oddly they've become more liberal. I'm still trying to get used to it..


Past

' oh yea my friend has a boyfriend.'


'WHAT?? So young have bf already? I tell you ah, don't you ever dare to have a bf, it's not right.... *fades into oblivion*'


Now

' ya lo she has a boyfriend.'


' Oh really ah? Eh if you ever have one please show us.... *fades too*'


I am left staring at them, thinking what went wrong with my parents?


*shrug* - Nicholas Sparks' The Guardian is a good read, by the way. ciao!



Sunday, October 09, 2005 @ 10:41 PM
lovely day.

Ever heard 'Lovely Day' by Luther Vandross? It the soundtrack for the recent advert for Starhub.


It's so lovely.

When I wake up in the morning, love
And the sunlight hurts my eyes
And something strange without a warning -

aiya. Why don't you dl the song and listen to it. Groove along! =)


Did PW today at michelle's house in sengkang/hougang/buangkok - somewhere there. Haha you bet it was far! But I like her house; it faces this thousand acre resevoir (i'm exaggerating) and you can just stare at the scenery for hours.


But there's a rectangular bare patch of land the size of half a football court. Apparantly it was stripped bare due to a bush fire. How rare is that!


**

I feel like I'm living in a dream. Doesn't feel there's gonna be school tomorrow, doesn't feel we have to choing for PW in the coming weeks.


Still gong gong one leh. *shrugs*


nite:)



Friday, October 07, 2005 @ 11:49 PM
WHEEYIPPEEYAY

Sorry for the slowness, but -


Can you believe it? Canyoucanyoucanyou???!!!!!


IT'S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *roar*


ahem. yep it's over.


The sense of freedom ( YEA FREEDOM ) is incomprehensible. Somehow it felt better than after the Os. Speaking of which, all my juniors must jia you yea? =)


But the ending of my exams didn't signal a oh-yes-it's-time-to-play-like-mad kind of situation. I had to go for a council general meeting which lasted from 1 to 7pm! To be honest I wasn't in a meeting mood but it made me realise that my holiday mentality was about to sink into... nothingness.


Yes, ' I am a fool, thou art nothing.'


BLEAH!! Open day - yes open day - 15 October 2005, Saturday from 10am to 3pm I say again! =D


We then had a session whereby everyone had to write their comments about everyone in sheets of paper. Pros and Cons about the person inclusive. When I got back my paper and read it, I felt, like what mel said, pretty bad about myself tho the 'cons' comments weren't that harsh or hurtful.


Some were funny tho. Someone said i had a 'lazy face'. wth.


Okay that isn't exactly constructive criticism, don't you think? Along my way home grace, xiuming and siyuan were evaluating our sheets and realised that the comments we had ranged far and wide. Really far and really wide.


I suppose I have to exercise my own discretion and see which one can 'cancel', which one can retain. Jiali proposed a solution that I could have plastic surgery on my face to make it less 'lazy'.


Thanks, jiali. ;)


tralala.. i am very envious of the elits who went to mel's house today and played with her dog and had tons of fun. humph. Tomorrow (after council work.. =/) I shall make up for the fun lost by.. chilling with the octomaniacs!


And angela wants me to say she is pretty. So.. *yawn* lala you're pretty.


*gasp* It's 12.25am! This is very unlike me. But I have been like myself the past few months so I guess such exceptions deserve no surprise.


So what do I do in my free time? Mavis asked that question when elits were at KAP yesterday mugging for Lit. I said, ' Oh in my free time i read, sew and I don't go online. I like to do things with my hands. '


And she stared at me for a moment like I was some alien from Mars.


HAHA. I'm just kidding lah mav! Though it can be true to a certain extent - only to a certain! I mug but I PLAY okay.


You ask, 'what do you play, then?'


I play a lot one okay. When I was young I went to the playground downstairs every single evening and swing at the swing till my butt rotted. there.


hmmms I have many things to say but the mood for typing is fast dissipating. another time!



Wednesday, October 05, 2005 @ 3:33 PM
hmm?

Something's wrong with blogspot. The 'create a post' part looks weird on my computer. Does yours look the same way?


The world is unfair, and we know it. I feel this especially today when almost half the cohort ended their promos today and I pathetically still have to sit for Lit this Friday.


Sigh. At least I have time to read Lear, huh?


Paper three for Lit was terrible. I have never written a worser essay and you bet I felt demoralised. Funny how a few pieces of paper and a pen can make you so hyped up and on the other end of the scale, so bloody miserable.


The rest of the papers? Bleah I shan't think too much till the results come knocking.


My sis's sitting for her PSLE this whole week and oddly I feel kinda jittery for her. I opened the door today and there she was, sitting in the living room with a packet of cheese fries on the table, eyes glued to the television.


' Oei how's your english paper? '


' So easy. Chey. '


' So can get A star lah that means? '


' Haha. no lah. '


Oh well. So much for an easy paper. Perhaps its sisterly instinct, but I kinda wish deep down that she does well and goes to Commonwealth.


Yah Commonwealth's still my beloved alma mater. =)


These 10 months in a JC made me realise how much I cherish those times in blue. Don't mean to haolian, but Commonwealthians do leave a nice pretty footprint on the other students from other schools leh!


Don't get what I mean? Once I told someone I'm from Commonwealth and his eyes lit up. I asked why, and he said, ' Oh Commonwealth has very nice people mah.'


Mwahaha. Perhaps I'm very nice lah, but I can't deny the rest of 'em are truly great nice people.


Suddenly I don't feel that demoralised now. off for King Lear - Rumble, thy bellyful!


p.s.: Cheer up mel!