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profile At twenty and one-point-six-three/four/two (can't remember) tall, I am a girl who loves many things, and detests a few. Not very fond of setting out a whole list of 'about me's, so... just read on. :) tag archives May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 October 2009 friends and credits skin by: Jane |
Tuesday, October 20, 2009 @ 9:42 AM
a generation of dreamers Once, during class, a friend wrote me a note in her long, scrawly but still pretty handwriting. "Someone once told me that we are a generation of dreamers." When I read it something clicked, and I'm not sure if I turned to her and said "well, we are...", but I can clearly remember my reaction within, that well, we really are. And as fate, or Providence, or simply just God would direct it, while I was doing my usual walk from the study room to the kitchen to get some inspiration a couple of weeks later, a book laid on the dining table caught my attention when it didn't for the past couple of months. On it was the title "dreamgirls", and I remembered - it was a book I bought for my little sis on her 15th birthday. So I flipped it open, and started reading. What followed was day after day of something I'd term maybe a dream revival in my heart. The book reminded me of the countless ambitions I had while I was younger, big and bold they were, and I had all the intention to chase them for my glory. Some seasons I longed to teach young delinquents and see their lives changed, others I wanted to walk down the fashion runway (a dream I know can only remain a dream, because I am physically limited, lol), and some days to champion a cause, perhaps fight for the rights of the poor and needy, somewhere out there... or even be a singer-composer, holding my own chill out concerts and signing autographs for crazy fans. Then Jesus got a hold of my heart, and for a period in time my dream machine stopped churning because all I wanted to do was to know Him more. So I did all I could to achieve that... church, Bible school, cell - and life continues to be an adventure as I continue to know Him. But now, the machine is starting up again and almost everyday I'm thinking about the plans that He has for my life. Once I had a fleeting vision of myself speaking to a group of girls, on self-esteem. Another time, I was a youth pastor, preaching on stage and leading worship. Sometimes I am clad in black and white, speaking to a panel of old but very brilliant judges and fighting for justice to be done - these dreams scare me, because as of now they remain strictly, well, dreams that are beyond my earthly ability. I'm not even sure how they are going to happen. Even as I dream, a prompting remains, that faithfulness over the smallest things will eventually lead us to the destiny we were created to have. That remains difficult to do in a place like SMU, when the demands of our time challenges to knock commitments over, left right and centre. But every morning I wake I am aware of the privilege to live each day and try, at the very least, to gain a bit of distance between me and the dreams He has placed in my heart. Thursday, October 08, 2009 @ 11:06 PM
here we go As the mid term break draws to a close, this all too familiar feeling of fear and faith threatening to take priority in my heart is growing. But our faith has overcome, and the latter shall make me stand. Friday, October 02, 2009 @ 9:03 AM
the hiatus is over (i think) It's not that I was drowning in work the past few weeks and couldn't find the time to blog, but that I find myself becoming more wary of the internet community, somehow. The idea that we can all be 'googled' and have some part of ourselves vulnerable to practically everyone in this planet is disconcerting. Nonetheless I doubt this space will ever become void, considering its history and the rather cathartic effect that writing has. Only that maybe my writing will become more objective, but then again doing that will put a question mark on the purpose of this blog. Wait. What is the purpose of this? In secondary three when I started, everyone was starting one and so I went with the flow. The few years that followed I found that people actually read what I wrote, and that seemed pretty cool (think: i feel like a journalist, maybe i can be famous one day). Now the idea of posting an entry is ordinary, often a 'to-do' that never surfaces at the top of the list. Though I know that it is an avenue where the people I have somehow drifted apart from can know what's going on in my life, I much rather have a two way thing going on at a cafe or foodcourt, or something. Then it boils down to one other purpose, which is perhaps the main reason why I insist on keeping this alive. I want to witness for Christ, through all that He has done in my life. Might pull some sensitive nerves here and there with what I write, but so long as I don't breach the Sedition Act (which I have absolutely no intention of), this space shall continue to give Him the glory, and praise, and credit... and all things good. But while I was writing on interfaith dialogue for a research paper lately, there have been musings on my part, about religious diversity in Singapore. The absolute truth that my faith is grounded upon seems jarring in the quest for harmony in a secular world - does it? See Guat Kwee wrote this poem, as a reflection: If I could see the world though God's eyes. I wonder what I would see. A Jew standing in greatness of pride, With a strong sense of his history as chosen of God "You have a right to exist," he says to the Other "If you would but follow the Noahide commands." If I could see the world through God's eyes, I wonder what I would see. A Christian who claims in humility That Others know not they are following the Way. "They have some right to be exist," he claims, "Anoynymous Christians they be." If I could see the world through God's eyes, I wonder what I would see. A Muslim who prays in deep devotion Who claims that only they have God's ord? "We accept you, Jew and Christian But only as God has revealed you to us." I wonder what God would say to His people today, That they may see and perceive. That He spoke to all of them, At different times, and revealed Himself in different ways, That they may know Him as their own. He might sigh that each is proclaiming "Only I have the WORD." He might laugh when each says "Only I have the TRUTH." But He gave each a piece of that truth, Not the whole, so that they could not claim One above the Other. If only we would see with our eyes. If only we would hear with our ears. If only we would listen with our hearts. That He laments at all of His people. Be they Jew, Christian or Muslim. "What of my people?" He asks. "The lost, alone, broken and deprived," "The widows, orphans, and oppressed." If only we would see with our eyes. If only we would see with our ears. If only we would listen with our hearts. That if the Jew, Christian and Muslim, Could show the love of God to each other. Each would see God's hand on the Other, And God's truth in their Ways. And if I should craft an answer to the question of maneuvering my life in a multireligious society, it would probably come in the form of loving my neighbour as myself. That puts an end to doubting. Thursday, August 27, 2009 @ 10:01 AM
Trees I'm sitting alone in the school library, facing the art museum. Trees cloud the view of the white Victorian building. The wind blows, and they sway slightly. I think that I shall never see A poem lovely as a tree. A tree whose hungry mouth is prest Against the earth's sweet flowing breast; A tree that looks at God all day, And lifts her leafy arms to pray; A tree that may in Summer wear A nest of robins in her hair; Upon whose bosom snow has lain; Who intimately lives with rain. Poems are made by fools like me, But only God can make a tree. - Trees, by Joyce Kilmer Now I wish I didn't have to print so many readings for class tomorrow. Wednesday, August 26, 2009 @ 12:24 AM
the young and the restless This feels familiar. I thought as the professor talked through course objectives, group projects, deadlines, reminded us how important class participation will be. Class ends, I pack my things and say random goodbyes, hit the lifts and there's a huge group of young people emerging. Wow, they look good. Gap advertisers will love them. Along the way I see acquaintances, friends and smile; the next moment my mind drifts to what's next - It's week 2 into the term now. There is a kind of mantra going through my head, that I've only 2 years left of varsity life to make the best out of. So what have I done or what should I do? They always tell me that these are the best years of my life, but I have trouble trying to get what they mean exactly. My interpretation is that these are the best years of my life to do something that counts; something that makes a positive difference to someone else. After all, we are only young once! Before the responsibilities of life creep in, it's best to take advantage of some of the freedoms (from bills, plates in the sink maybe?), and just go out there and do something. This is the point where Mum will say, "Why are you always so busy ah? You got time to pak tor like that meh?" To which I'll almost always give a sheepish grin, and assure her that I'm still young, and there is really no hurry. For now, I'm working on having the best years of my life, because these are exciting times we're living in. Wednesday, August 19, 2009 @ 10:13 AM
gone My uncle passed away last night. We were not close; I hardly knew him. But the sound of mum crying over the phone broke my heart, and I thought - I should have talked to him more, and made the effort to know him. Maybe things would have been different... It's all too late now. I'm really dreading the funeral for its gloom - but I'm determined as ever to convince them that there is hope, even after death. Monday, August 17, 2009 @ 8:18 AM
first day of school How am I feeling? I wish I could say 'Confident, happy and excited!' and meaning all the three words, but somehow I gotta add apprehension and a bit of stress to the list. This semester is not going to be an easy one to get through... Walking by faith. That's the title of this blog; a timely reminder now that it is the only way to emerge this second half of the year victorious in all things. |